just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
