I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
