He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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