you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
