we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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