***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
