the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
