She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
