I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
