I haven't been this sober since birth.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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