so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
