I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
