good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
