so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
