not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
