I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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