In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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