Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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