I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
