I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
