Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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