Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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