i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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