remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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