so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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