R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm at about main and main street
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
