His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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