went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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