Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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