I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
