I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
