but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
