So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I want a musical about memes.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
