I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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