i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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