I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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