would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
