I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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