remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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