I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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