i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
