just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
