dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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