So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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