I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
