we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
