Sponge bath it is.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
