omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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