i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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