i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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