yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
