I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
