Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
